Parenting Tips
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Where oh where to start! Let’s start with the best bits…
Children are the most wonderful thing in the world. They make you laugh, they make you cry, they make you mad, they make you sad. No one else can set your emotions tumbling and weaving like a child can. They spread joy and happiness wherever they go, and they serve as a constant reminder of what life is really all about. Oh boy, do they melt our hearts. And look at that smile! Surely we all have the most beautiful children in the world. Unconditionally they fill our hearts with so much love, and we would do anything for our children: give them the world, chase away the darkness and make their dreams come true, if only we could. The list could go on forever, about what we love and adore about our children and their special ways.
But…
When they are born they do not come with a manual that allows us to easily understand what makes them tick, or explains how to unlock their best qualities and maximum potential. This means that, although we love our children and wouldn’t change them for the world, parenting is never going to be an easy job for anyone. If they haven’t already made you pull your hair out in exasperation, they will turn it grey, and lazy Sunday mornings will be a thing of the past. Have I mentioned your bank balance yet? Well, that healthy balance will be decidedly lop-sided and the money you were saving for a rainy day will probably go on school shoes instead.
Unfortunately I can’t help you with your hairline or your bank balance, however, there are some things you can do to make parenting just that little bit easier:
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Start as you mean to go on
Got a habit you know you need to rid yourself of but cannot quite find the will power to resist your urge? Everyone knows how difficult it can be to unlearn a habit that has become so ingrained in your everyday life that half the time you don’t even realise you’re doing it. For many adults the habit is just that, a habit that holds no emotional sway. It’s just something you do automatically. This is not always the case with children, and for many if you try to break their habit it can cause strong emotional upset. The upset can come in the form of sadness, anger or frustration (the latter two possibly leading to tantrums or discipline issues), but that is rarely the only emotion your child is feeling. Often their reactions are multi-dimensional - fear of the unknown, loss of control, sadness, frustration, etc.
So avoid the headache, heartache and tantrums by avoiding bad habits. (Do you really want your child sleeping in your bed every night?)
Embrace your mistakes so you can learn from them
There is so much pressure on parents to juggle a family life and work life, and what’s more, be perfect at both. The failure to be this perfect robot can sometimes make you feel like you’re less of a person. You are not. But like everyone, we all make mistakes so do not berate yourself for making one. Instead, learn from it by doing things differently next time.
A busy child is a happy child; a happy child is a well-behaved child
How many times have you heard it said of children ‘I just don’t know where they get their energy from!’?
Children have high energy levels and as such, we need to make sure that energy is somehow utilised or burnt off, either mentally or physically. That means stimulating their brain (this could be drawing or colouring, playing a board game, role play, or perhaps reading) and exercising their muscles. That doesn’t mean a daily rigorous exercise regime, or costly activities. A kick-around in the garden will suffice, or a trip to the park.
Whatever you decide to do with them, they need to be stimulated. This will have a positive knock-on effect on everything, from how nicely they sit at the dinner table, to how well they play with one another, to how quickly you can get them to bed. So it is very much in your interest, as well as your child’s, to ensure they get the opportunity use up some of that energy youth has bestowed upon them.
Lead by example
Do as I say but not as I do: this is rarely an effective method for parenting. Their attitude, confidence, respect, patience, kindness, moral standing, etc., is influenced by what they see and are told, so be mindful of your choice of your words and actions, and how you interact with the world around you, because you are being watched! Even when you think they are not actively doing so, they see and hear much of what you say and do when you think their mind is somewhere else. They then imitate you because you are, after all, their role model.
Because you are your child’s natural role model, this puts you on duty 24/7 (another reason why it is important you have some time to yourself occasionally, even if it’s just a soak in the tub or a game of footie with your mates). You will get no wage for the hours you put in, there will be no promotion, and you can definitely forget about expenses, but what you will get in return is something much more valuable: you will get a happy, well-adjusted child who will always remember all those wonderful things you did together.
Make time for your children
We all need to feel worthwhile and important, so uninterrupted time with your children can go a long way. Remind your child that you love them, and they are important to you, by setting aside a little of your time every day, just for them, even if it is only the last five minutes before they go to bed.
Be firm and consistent
Whatever you do, however you decide to bring up your children, be firm and consistent with the things that matter. To do otherwise just leads to confusion for your child. If you do set rules and limitations, make sure they are clear, as should the consequences be if those rules are broken.
Rules are rules
Rules do not bend, they break (with the exception of a few, for very good reasons), and they are there for a good reason. If you allow your child to break a rule once without consequence, they will learn that your rules mean nothing and consequences don’t exist. Ensure your child takes you and your rules seriously (particularly those that relate to their safety) by following through with an appropriate consequence each time one is broken.
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Just listen
I have known adults who say or do things that make very little sense and I have known children who are wise beyond their years. Do not invalidate your child’s thoughts, feelings or opinions just because they are children. You may not agree with them, or you may think there is no justification to their thoughts and feelings, but that does not make them irrelevant or untrue. You don’t have to agree with them, but you can support them by saying things such as ‘I understand you may feel that way but...’ or ‘You may feel like that now but it doesn’t mean...’.
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Keep your family strong
Just like a bunch of sticks, a family is stronger when they are together than when they are apart. As such, treat your family as one solid unit, all working together for the good of the whole. Make your children a part of that unit by involving them in family decisions as much as possible, so they know they are an important member who’s opinion matters. If there is conflict within the family, do your best to deal with it as the friction will have a negative effect on everyone.
Patience is a virtue
All good things come to those who wait and this is especially true where children are concerned. Don’t expect them to pick up a skill, or change a habit or behaviour overnight because it doesn’t work like that for anyone. Instead, give them your time and attention, and teach them the importance of patience and perseverance so they can succeed in whatever they set out to achieve.
Don’t treat your children like an adult
They lack the emotional, physical and cognitive skills of an adult so it is unfair to treat them like one, or expect them to behave like one.
Release your inner child
They are only young once so strengthen the bond you have with your child and enjoy those precious years by playing with them. The time you give and the closeness you gain will later translate into a better relationship with them when you and they are older. Ever heard the song, ‘Cats in the Cradle’? Take heed of the words; they hold a very real truth.
Don’t worry, be happy
The final tip - one that a lot of people forget in the everyday chaos of life - is to just enjoy your children because, sooner than you think, they will be all grown up and will no longer need or desire your attention quite as much as they do now. We could spend our whole lives worrying about whether we did this right, or should have done that differently, so sort the wheat from the chaff: change the things you can, and disregard the things you have no influence over. Your life will be better for it.
Happy Parenting!
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