Shyness in Children
Photo courtesy of Vanessa Serpas (Unsplash)
We all want our children to be confident in every situation they encounter but this is not always the case. Shyness, especially in unfamiliar settings or situations, is something many children experience but addressed early enough, it need not become a problem. It can affect any child at any age but how you deal with a tendency for shyness in a young child will have an impact on their later life. Look for clues that may indicate the existence or severity of their shyness. Do they shy away from talking to or playing with other children? Do they avoid exploring the playpark when it is crowded? Do they have a meltdown if you look like you’re about to leave them but are fine when they know you are staying put?
Sometimes all children need is a little help and guidance to get them over the little bump that is shyness. We can do this in a number of ways:
Firstly, it is important not to label them as being shy because, just like a self-fulfilling prophecy; if they hear it they will believe it, and therefore they will be it.
You can also normalise their fears and anxieties by telling them a lot of people feel the same way. Give them examples of when you have felt uncomfortable. Explain how it turned out to be not so bad, or even that you really enjoyed yourself, and afterwards how you felt so proud of yourself for having done it.
Avoid dismissing their feelings as being silly. Whilst you may view them as so, vocalising this to your child will only make them feel their inner feelings are irrelevant. This leads to further anxiety and confusion, as well as low self-esteem.
Encourage socialising from an early age by arranging playdates with other children. If they get on particularly well with one child, ensure they have regular contact with them in different settings as it will help boost their social confidence.
Ease them into new activities and situations. For example, go to a new club but let your child just observe it to begin with. If they want to, by all means, let them join in but don’t force them to. The next time you go, encourage them to join in for the last activity/game, but remain close so they feel more at ease. Eventually they will be happy to join in for the full duration, with or without you.
Letting your children swim on their own, figuratively speaking, is not only daunting for them, it can also be worrying for you too. Try not to let them see this as it will only add to their own anxieties. Remain calm and collected, and assure your child that, even though they may feel scared or anxious, you are confident they’ll be able to cope with it.
Of course, sometimes children do have a little wobble and, as parents, it is understandable that we want to step in to help our child, but it is important we don’t unless it is absolutely necessary. If you step in, you will only make your child doubt their own ability to deal with things on their own.
As always, if you are worried your child is chronically sad and withdrawn, or their behaviour has changed recently, it is worth seeing a health care professional.